Who are these people?

I'm not handling my break-up with the diamondbacks all that great. I still occasionally check their website, maybe read an article or two... but no box scores, that's a bigger deal than you'd think. I really don't like the make-up of the roster (notice I didn't say our roster) and there really isn't a likable player on the team. It just reaffirms the fact that most baseball players are douchebags. By the way, Greg Maddux used to pee on rookies anyone in the shower.

I did happen to check out their 40-man roster today because they ran a story about a new addition to the roster, who went to MCC no less, who used his 50th status (last pick overall, see: Mr. Irrelevant) as fuel. Every time he went on the mound, it was to prove to other teams he was better than that, in hopes that he could make it to the majors and dominate the diamondbacks. I thought that was heartwarming. That was until he decided to foster a friendship with them as they brought him up through the organization. His name is Kyler Newby and he is this week's Tool of the Week. Congratulations.

I also happened to look at the rest of the roster and have come to the conclusion that the d-bags were too cheap to pay real players, and therefore made-up names and just never play those players. Let's take a look at some of their alleged pitchers:

Jon Coutlangus - Do I need to go into much detail with this one?
Yusmeiro Petit - What kind of name is that? French? I'm confused. I'm pretty sure they just took off Edgar Gonzalez's goggles and gave him contacts.
Leyson Septimo - When you spell that backwards (Omitpes nosyel), then google it, then click the "did you mean" link, then go to images, you get this:

I'm not sure why this is relevant, but that it occurs is not good.

Esmerling Vasquez - It sounds like he could tell my fortune. I bet it doesn't include paying money to see him play.
Clay Zavada - I would not be surprised if he was actually just an obscure reference from Star Trek. Derrick Hall looks like he really likes Captain Kirk.

You helped ruin baseball for me

Blahhh Bonus: Derrick Hall is from West Virginia, an alum in fact. When folk legend Bill Stewart took over for super-snitch Rich "Rod" Rodriguez and guided WVU to a thrilling bowl win, he was given a new contract the next day. Derrick Hall came out against the move saying he would withdraw his $1 million a year contributions to the school, and if they fired him he would even include an additional $500k gift. He said Stewart couldn't lead the program and they'd return to mediocrity. WVU went 9-4 with a bowl win this season while Rich's wolverines (lowercase intended) hoisted a 3-9, closing out their season with a 7-42 loss to Ohio State. I tried to think of a word demeaning enough to describe that loss, but words failed to materialize.

The diamondbacks could've resigned Randy Johnson for $6 million, who got $12 million with incentives from the bay area Giants, and we decided journeyman, and that title is a stretch, Felipe Lopez was worth $4 million while Orlando Hudson (whom we said would be too expensive to re-sign and all but severed ties immediately with after the final game) is playing for a loaded Dodgers team at under that price.

About a year ago I was eating a random KFC somewhere in Scottsdale when someone I thought Derrick Hall came in. His kids had "Hall" on their little league jerseys, so I'm going with yes. He was only the president at that point, this was a few weeks before his promotion to CEO, but I still didn't want to talk to him. If it was Jeff Moorad, Jerry Colangelo, Mark Grace, the guy who is the Baxter the Bobcat (Bank One Ballpark, Bob, bobcat... this was a stretch, and now outdated by several years), anyone affiliated with the diamondbacks I would've been thrilled to at least say hi. But not Derrick Hall, mostly at that time because of his threat and call to firing of Bill Stewart after he had already signed a new contract. How big is your head when you threaten publicly a university, and no one outside of maybe 100k people in central phoenix (at the time) knows your name.

Derrick Hall and the diamondbacks organization recently won some awards for being well run and providing a good fan experience. Never mind that our team can't win, we let fan favorites walk, our farm system is depleted from bad trades, and the highly touted rookies that have made it aren't exactly producing.

I understand why Arizona leads the nation in fair-weather fans, the things our teams do to us is enraging. The mismanagement of the suns, cardinals, and diamondbacks (recently) has driven our sports fans crazy.