614 Sports

I was gonna write an article for the 614 to commemorate my trip, but since the Blue Jackets are hockey and no one watches that, and the only other pro team is the Columbus Crew, which of course is soccer and isn't a sport in America, my only choice is Ohio State.

What's going down at the Shottenstein Center this weekend? High school graduation for the Dublin area high schools! I remember my graduation like it was two years ago... My school had a young 20s, cancer-surviving, congressman speak to us. Let me paraphrase, "I was scared when I got cancer. But I am awesome and overcame it. Then I became a young political symbol, because I am awesome. Did I mention how awesome I am?" The rich school got Jim Tressel, those bastages.

What else is going on in the 614 this week? The father and mother of 480 sports will be introduced to beer pong, an important collegiate sport. Mom has been warned that she probably shouldn't play more than a game or two, while Dad seems like he might be able to hold his own. We will see at 11am when 480 sports's sister's graduation party commences.

I Bet He's Got a Nasty Crossover

One-handed center Kevin Laue signed a division I scholarship with Manhattan. Who is Kevin Laue? He's a 6'10" with one very long right arm and a left arm that stops just after the elbow. He catches passes with his left nub and uses his large right hand to easily palm the ball. His coaches say he has a tremendous work ethic, runs the floor well, and as Manhattan's coach pointed out, "You don't need two hands to block shots around the basket." This is very true and best of luck to Kevin Laue. Considering how hard it is to get a basketball scholarship with two hands on any level, his commitment is outside extraordinary. I hope he actually gets some well earned playing time, and isn't just a nice gesture on the part of Manhattan's coach.

Get Well CoJack

Connor Jackson, who has been on the DL with a mysterious illness, has been diagnosed with Valley Fever. The recovery time varies by the severity of the illness, and can take a few months to as long over a year. He also has an accompanying case of pneumonia. Yeeck.

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Good road trip by the diamondbacks otherwise though. 6-3 including 4 in a row is a good start; facing the 9-in-a-row Padres will be a better test.

Randy Starks

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4202727

Nice work by Dolphins DE Randy Starks, who managed to use a truck packed with 13-people to pin an officer against another car in heavy traffic. The officer was traveling by foot alongside the car when Starks swerved and got him in the chest, and pinned up to an adjacent car.

Big ups to Randy Starks as he looks at aggravated battery charges. He'll probably just get off with a fine and an apology, and with his fat NFL contract, he won't learn anything... like when you pin an officer between two cars, you have to pull his pants down.

One of the Greatest Stories of All-Time

So it's not one of those feel good type of stories..

http://www.theunticket.com/george-brett-shits-himself-story/

I recommend you read the transcripts before watching the video. This is quite possibly one of the greatest things I have ever seen. George Brett is the face of the Kansas City Royals (if they had a face), think what Derek Jeter is to the Yankees. He played 20 years spanning from 1973-1993, had over 3,000 hits, played a few positions, and was an MVP and runner-up twice. This just proves why some people just can't like baseball; all the players are disgusting. They pee on each other in the shower (Greg Maddux).

"If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out."
"I've only read two books in my life: Baseball Sparkplug and Love Story."

Big Up!(ton)

Justin Upton absolutely crushes the ball when he makes contact. I don't know if I have ever seen someone hit the ball as hard as him. He can hit a line drive 400 feet and a moon shot 500 feet. He almost makes the diamondbacks watchable.

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The Cavaliers fell tonight to the Magic on a last second shot by Rashard Lewis. It was great to see these teams go back and forth at the end, but I can't help but think LeBron got tired down the stretch. He looked winded and they even called a timeout that seemed to give LeBron a rest and that was all.

Great put-back by Mo Williams at the end. He couldn't seal the deal but it actually put a spot of interest in to a series I would've otherwise not watched too closely.

NBA Draft Lottery

The T-Wolves are gonna end up with the #1 pick.

A few notable fails

Oof of the day goes to:

Joe Madden! You listed Evan Longoria and someone I've never heard of both at 3B! You then explained Longoria was supposed to be the DH for the game, never mind that he's a stellar 3rd baseman. The result? An 11 minute delay at the bottom of the first that resulted in the pitcher, Andy Sorrenstam, batting 3rd, with Longoria not in the game because the defense had already taken the field. I suppose all's well that ends well, like Sorrenstam belting an RBI double in the fourth over the LF's head.

I was gonna say how the Diamondbacks employ some good hitting pitchers, but that might just be because I see our hitters attempt to hit on a daily basis. Upon a little review, we see that the league leaders in hits (for a pitcher) is former D-backer Micah Owings who has 6 hits, 5 of which were multi-baggers (3 doubles, 1 triple, and a dinger).

Let's check out how the list stacks up:

Owings - 6 for 22, 5 extra base hits, .273 AVG (.273 OBP, .636 slugging!! (total bases over at-bats))
Mike Hampton - 5 for 14, all singles, .357 AVG (.400 OBP, .357 slugging)
Carlos Zambrano - 5 for 18, 2 extra base hits, .278 AVG (.316 OBP, .500 slugging)

If we take a look at pitchers helping themselves, we see again Owings at the top of the list.

Owings - 4 RBI
Yovani Gallardo - 4 RBI
4 with 3 RBI

How good is Micah Owings at hitting? He has hit in 12 games, but only pitched in 7, started in 6. So he has been used as a pinch-hitter as many times as a pitcher. These kind of tools are invaluable to a club. So invaluable that we threw him as a player-to-be-named later in the Adam Dunn trade, that oh by the way, got us squat.

What does this all mean?

Oof of the current baseball season:

Trading Chris Carter to the Nationals for Emilio Fruto. The Nationals did something with Chris Carter because he ended up with the White Sox. So we traded Carlos Quentin for Chris Carter again. Then we traded him to the Athletics along with Brett Anderson, Dana Eveland, Greg Smith, Aaron Cunningham, and Carlos Gonzalez for Dan Haren.

So all-in-all we got Dan Haren, fantastic pitcher, and Emilio Fruto... who? As far as those prospects we traded:

Carlos Quentin - Forget he hit 30 HRs and had 100 RBIs last season with a solid .288, his 8 HRs and 18RBI would both be tops on the diamondbacks this year.

Brett Anderson - Winless in 6 starts this season, but is a solid lefty arm in the rotation and only 21 years old!

Dana Eveland - Another lefty starter, Eveland went 9-9 last year for a bad Athletic team. His arm would've been nice when Webby went down.

Carlos Gonzalez - 23 year old outfielder with power, he hit 4 home runs and 26 RBI last season in Oakland. He is currently buried on Colorado's depth chart but some PT in the Rockies could see some real success.

Aaron Cunningham - He just got called up to the big leagues by Oakland. He started in the White Sox organization and was their prospect of the year. Then the d-backs got him and he won the same award. Oakland has to be giddy.

Chris Carter - Still in the minors but made the all-star team last year and won player of the week 4 times.

Bonus oof!

Billy Buckner for Alberto Callaspo

Buckner has a less-than-sexy ERA of 15.25 and was recently demoted, Callaspo is batting .341 in an every day role on the surging Royals.

Double awesome super oof!

Brian Barden, a d-backs draft pick who also made his major league debut with the team, got his first start of 2009 with the Cardinals of St. Louis after claiming him off waivers in 2007. His response? A game winning home run at Chase Field to give the redbirds a 2-1 victory.

Preakness

That race just didn't capture me like the Kentucky Derby did. Congratulations to Rachel Alexandra becoming the first Phillie to win the Preakness in 80 something years. I can't help but think that runner up Mine That Bird could've won with Calvin Borell jockeying, setting up a fantastic finale to the triple crown race. Instead we're left without another triple crown candidate and I probably won't watch the final race. Unless I'm still unemployed and not in school, in which case I'll watch. But that's not saying much because seriously, I watch the diamondbacks and they have nothing going for them.

Championship "Window"

The Suns championship window was ruined by Tim Duncan and Robert Horry. But at least we ruined the championship window of Dallas and post-Shaq Kobe's window. You could also say we ruined the Clippers window but that was just one year, really more like a championship porthole.

This and that

Manny Ramirez, you sly dog you. This whole time we thought it was just Manny being Manny. Turns out you were just some menopausal "man"ny. Enjoy your 50-game vacation. I'll always remember you as the cheater who put the Dodgers over the D-backs in 2008, spurning the d-backs into panic mode, and making constant horrible decisions.

Hey, I wonder who has the most hits of any second baseman in the league so far... Oh my god! It's Orlando Hudson. Good thing we're paying Felipe Lopez $750,000 more than you, after we let you walk due to financial restraints. Now I'll be honest, 'Lope has actually impressed me. His defense is pretty solid, he's been one of the few bright spots in this early season... but isn't it possible to imagine us in a better situation with our former clubhouse leader manning the 2nd bag?

Oh yeah, Bob Melvin was fired. Forget that just two seasons he ago won the NL Manager of the Year for squeezing everything out of his club and taking them to NL West champions. I hate this move. I understand that sometimes changes need to happen, but Melvin was the first manager fired of the year after losing Stephen Drew and Brandon Webb for the majority of the start of the season.

This move was just a way for Derrick Hall to get "his guys" in the organization. Who is the replacement? AJ Hinch, our VP of Player Development. He's 34 and his managerial resume is as long as mine. What a selection to replace a struggling young club. I was wondering how many players were older than AJ Hinch in our clubhouse... turns out just 3 players (Scott Shoenweis, Tony Clark, and Eric Byrnes) are older. Then I watched the game today, I didn't recognize anyone on our "new" coaching staff and I didn't recognize half the team. Josh Wilson at SS? Josh Whitesell at 1B? Now there are talks of demoting Chris Young to AAA and Chad Tracy, who was tearing it up early in the season but was in a mini 1-17 funk, was benched. His replacement, the aforementioned Whitesell responded by going 1 for 10 in his first few games. NICE! This is the way to motivate a struggling young team that is battling injuries. Replace the entire coaching staff and start replacing mainstays in the line up. These moves show more panic than Stan Van Gundy at the post-game buffet. Cheese doodles or Cheetos. DOODLES OR CHEETOS? AHHHHHH!

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Props to the Cardinals. I really like what Bidwell (jr) and Rod Graves are constructing here in the desert. What I like even more, however, is their no non-sense approach with player's contracts. Boldin signed a new deal in 2005 with 2 years left on his rookie deal. Dockett inked his name on the dotted line in 2006 for a 5 year extension. Now it could be said that they have out performed their extensions, but the team isn't going to continue to open its pocket books on a yearly basis. Not giving in to their demands plays a strong message to a developing team. Shut up and play. When it's your turn, you'll get paid. Just ask Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald. And if money is really the issue, wait it out and go join Antonio Smith and Calvin Pace in the VIP room.

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Rumor has it the Suns are close to inking a 2-year contract extension with Alvin Gentry. The Suns still have $7 mil committed to Terry Porter over the next 2 years, so they're looking to give Gentry a reasonable figure that will come off the book with Porter. Great move by the Suns. They were decimated by injuries down the stretch and unfortunately that might've been their window. A healthy Shaq, Nash, and Grant Hill coupled with a healthy STAT and Blur on an improved bench could be too much in these playoffs. Could the Lakers bench keep up with us? Especially with our handling of Kobe on a bi-summer basis? It would've been hard to say that team wouldn't have a shot. The best news is we should have the same team back next year. The luxury of resting dinosaurs Nash, Shaq, and Hill will only play dividends next year as the triumvirate of Dragic, Amundson, and Dudley improve, not to mention the late surge of Sideshow Bob Robin Lopez.

I can't wait for next season, watching the playoffs have been pretty tough to watch. I still haven't caught a LeBron game, but right now my favorite teams to watch are the Denver Nuggets and Houston Rockets. It's too bad the Lakers will win calls as the NBA rigs up a Kobe vs LeBron finals. Ron Artest is going bat-shit crazy (if that's not an expression, it should be, but only to describe RonRon) but the refs look at his reputation and eject him at the first sign of aggression. The NBA, where profiling happens.

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The coyotes are gonna move to Ontario? That'd suck... I guess.

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Special shout out to Sean Barton, who will never read this. Nor do I have a reason for the shout out.

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Tracks: Busta Rhymes - Genesis 2001